I grew up with mental illness in my family. Both of my parents were officially diagnosed with Bipolar when I was in high school. To be honest I think the diagnosis could have been made many years earlier. I remember growing up and my mother exhibited the textbook dramatic ups and downs related to mania. My mother’s mental illness was also exacerbated by her consistency on taking her medications. In addition to her mental illness, she also suffered from epilepsy. Being the youngest and the only daughter, I was often on the receiving side of understanding how bad a situation can become. What does this mean, I have been called a lot of ugly names by my mother.
To be honest, I would not change my experience of growing up in my family. Though I would not recommend my childhood to anyone, it was not easy. But it taught me to have a great deal of humility, patience, understanding and compassion for all of humanity. Life is not easy. By learning from the past, be it good or bad, keeping our faith and staying grounded that knowing tomorrow will be brighter helps me to keep on moving forward.
Shortly after we were married, my husband experienced a manic episode, as a result he was hospitalized. Sometimes in life we encounter situations that leave very options available. In my heart, my husband did not ask for a mental illness. It could have been something or a genetic abnormality that he was born with. I am not a medical professional and I did not care. My priority was to help him in the best ways that I could by asking the experts (the doctors and specialists) questions. I sought to understand the situation even more.
This past Sunday evening, I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner. He replied arsenic. I have learned over the past year and a half that I can not take it personally. It is a challenge. When friends ask me how is he doing or how are things going? I reply one day at a time. Some days are okay and others are the complete opposite.
To be honest the arsenic comment scared me. It was made point blank with no humor or sarcasm involved. It’s a struggle for me as a spouse, who wants to help her husband. I question myself, am I doing enough, should I be more patient and understanding. But you can not bring a horse to water, if they do not want to go.
Fortunately, I think the prays and requests for beautiful energy to behold my husband are starting to gradually take. He has reached out to a friend, who is a counselor for a recommendation on a new therapist. Right now current state, he will be working with a new therapist starting this week. I pray that this new counselor will be able to help him and make a positive impact.
CC Mccall Writings 